Friday, February 25, 2005

End of week 1

Well, I've done BETTER with bingeing but not good, Its gotten to the point where nothing sets me off or I done crave anything BUT cheryls. I can say no to everything else. I realize that I have to get to the bottom of what Cheryls means to me. I've kinda started to realize that I think the void in my life right now is boys, I dont have one thus I'm dating food. But the itrony of it all is I'm making myself undesireable.I also think I used food/eating disorder to get over Jeffrey. It has been a blanket. I thought SO much about Robert, I ran things and scenes about him over and still talked to him and have never really stopped talking to him. I started bingeing when I had to bring Jeffrey back into my life, because I just put a band-aid over the inital pain that occured. So I need to think of food like a person, think of it like a girl I hate. I used to focus on those girls, and obsess and make myself look pretty to compete with them. I have gotten unpretty....... GRRRRRR

Monday, February 21, 2005

Day 1

OK Day one of my ULTRA ULTRA diet that is bound to get me to a body i've never had. My dieting history is so twisted, i'm the ultimate yoyo dieter, and i'm only 18. I've never actualyl seen that in print thats kind of sad. IN the last year I've lost 15 on low carb and pilates, gained it back with the use of lazatives and eating carbs again, was diagnosed with builima, back up to wehre I started. Then I joined weight watchers, lost the 20, had a kicken body better than before, started binge eating, got diagnosed with binge eating disorder,....... And Now I'm breaking it all......... Since I've done two diet programs that I found success on, I'm creating the ultimate diet, personalized to me, based on all my knowledge (HA) My goals are:
*. I'm determined to overcome my eating disorders, mostly the binge, a few laxatives here and there wonet kill you. but if I cut down on those that'd be great
*Give myself a body I can attain, I put effort into binge eating, and planning, why not just pout it all into eating healthy, and exercising
*Create healthy habits to get myself in great shape, and come to the realization that junkfood is GROSS, cookies are UNHEALTHY
My Plan is as follows.......
FIRST 2 WEEKS
Eat only 10 pts max per day NO Carbs allowed.
SECOND 2 WEEKS
15 pts per day, Whole grain carbs ok
MAINTENCE
20 pts per day, Regular Weight Watchers point value for me
Throughtout this whole thing I will continue to weigh in at Weight Watchers for accountability, support and just a anchor for each week.
AS for fitness...... I want to try to shoot for an hour of cardio everyday and either pilates, yoga, or weight training 4 times a week.
This regimine is tough but I know the results will we awesome with time. I dont want to set any real goals because I get upset when I dont reach them, but I hope to lose 10 by Spring Break, and then another 10 for the talent show , and then the last 10 by summer

Today went well....... I started the day off with eggwhites in low carb torillas, and a orange., then I ahd a latte, followed by a bowl of minomosa soup with an apple for lunch and a bowl of cabbage soup for dinner. I did the elliptical for an hour and I was cleaning/moving all day. Not bad. Tommorrow I hit Cheryls.......